3dp3dt

I'm totally not feeling it.  I mean, it know it's early - only 3dp3dt or 6dpo, but yeah, not feeling it.  I have no symptoms and I have been feeling myself up quite frequently.  My husband gets a kick out of watching me press on my boobs every now and then.  They don't hurt at all.  Then again, they are just different she-beasts than they were pre-Ian and so maybe things will be different with #2.  Who knows.  I just won't be shocked and won't even cry when I get that BFN.  The only "symptoms" that I have (other than numb/sore ass from the PIO shots) are heart palpitations.  But I had those when I went off birth control too.  I'm not crampy at all this time around, like I was with FET #1.  Oh well.  There is a tiny glimmer of hope buried deep, but it's pretty darn tiny.

Yesterday, I had my semi-annual depression day.  I know this sounds really odd.  But roughly twice a year, I get depressed for 24 hours.  For anyone who knows me IRL, I'm totally not a depressed person.  I don't even trend that way at all.  But for some reason, I woke up feeling "off".  I had almost no energy and felt like I just couldn't care about anything.  This had absolutely nothing to do with infertility or feeling like FET #2 failed.  It just happens.  It's so odd and I can't come up with any explanation.  But it was over when I woke up this morning and I'm happy to be back to my energetic and happy self.

FET #2 Transfer Successful!

Our transfer was tentatively scheduled for 11 am this morning.  I got the go/no go call this morning at 8:40 am and it was a go!  So I knew that at least one of our embryos survived the thaw.  But they asked if we could come early, for a 10:40 am transfer.  No problem!  I've had problems in the past having an overly full bladder and so I didn't drink too much before we left and I drank nothing during our 20 minute car ride.  When we arrived at 9:40 am, I took the valium and started drinking just a little bit (but not too much because I knew we had another hour before the transfer).  Around 10:10 am they asked how I was doing and I told them that my bladder was starting to feel full.  They said "Good!" because the woman who was scheduled to have a transfer before me didn't have a full bladder and they wanted to switch me with her.  So off we went and although I wasn't sure that my bladder was full enough, it was apparently PERFECT.  Yeah!  I guess the 3rd time is the charm (since I had an overly full bladder for my IVF and FET #1).

They ended up needing to thaw only one of our two frozen embryos.  Just like FET #1, the embryo thawed perfectly and lost no cells.  So this morning, we transferred one 6-celled day 3 embryo.  It was graded as a 6AF, which is the same grade of embryo that produced our son Ian.  For details on what this embryo grading means, read towards the bottom of this earlier post.

And now I'm just relaxing on the couch, watching baby stories on TLC.  :-)  The valium makes me very sleepy and sluggish.  I told my husband that he's officially on call with our son for the next 3 days.  I'm going to try very hard not to pick him up or carry him around.  He's over 26 pounds now!  I'm super happy that everything seemed to go well.  The embryo thawed perfectly and the transfer went smoothly.  I'm hopeful, but I'm going to try very hard not to get my hopes up too much.  After all, the embryo thawed well and the transfer went smoothly for FET #1 and that resulted in a BFN.  And now, I just have to pass the time during the dreaded 2ww (although I'm probably going to POAS in 8 days, which would be 11 dpo).

Ian Speaks - 17.5 months

I hope you enjoy this video!  I definitely enjoyed filming, editing and learning more about how to use iMovie.

Ian Update - 17.5 months

Ian is 17.5 months old now and I wanted to provide an update on his development.  I think he is super smart, but this should be tempered by the fact that (a) I'm his mother and (b) I have no other experience with little ones for comparison purposes.  So what is he up to these days?

His vocabulary is growing and growing.  He now knows where his head, nose, eyes, mouth, ears, feet and toes are and can point to them when we ask him to do so.

He LOVES books and will bring us books and sit in our laps on the floor while we read to him.  He especially loves Elmo and has been getting more and more into the Sesame Street characters.  He points out Big Bird (buh bur) and gets really excited to see The Count (he says "Noooooooo!" but means "The Count").  When he says and means "no" for real, it's said with more of a whine/growl and much less happy excitement.

If he's in a sweet (and undistracted mood), he will give me a hug when I ask for it.  It melts my heart.  He puts his head down on my shoulder and squeezes ever so gently.

He has learned to look at books the right way (i.e., not upside down) and will turn the book around when it is upside down.

He has a shoe addiction and loves to point to shoes (doos!) and bring mommy her shoes and daddy his shoes.

He always wants to carry his own lunch bag out the door in the morning.  And when I try to take it away from him so that I can more easily strap him into the car seat, he freaks.  So I've been doing a dance every morning trying to get him into the car seat while he holds his lunch bag.  He will only give up the lunch bag to the teacher at daycare (and not to his mommy).

He says thank you when you give him something he wants (although he says "dit doo").

He is still unbelievably amazing about going to sleep at night.  We put him down anytime between 7:15 and 7:30 pm and he grabs his lovey, rolls over and goes right to bed without any fuss.  He has been waking up later and later each morning, which is very nice for us (although it is making me get to work later and later).  Today, he just woke up at 7 am, which is why I was able to do this post!

My transfer for FET #2 is tomorrow.  Hopefully it will result in baby #2 who will be just as awesome as Ian.

Happy ICLW!

Thanks for stopping by!  My infertility story is fairly simple.  My husband suffers from poor sperm morphology and we immediately qualified as IVF/ICSI candidates in 2008.  We're lucky to live in Massachusetts, which has mandatory IVF coverage.  Since we felt strongly about not having multiples, and since we didn't have to pay for IVF out of our own pockets, we chose to do a single day 3 embryo transfer after our first round of IVF and it worked!!!  We were able to freeze 3 additional embryos from that IVF round and have since embarked on a journey to have a second child.  FET #1 this past June resulted in a BFN and the transfer for FET #2 is scheduled for this coming Thursday.  I am hopeful that FET #2 will work, but understand that we got super lucky with our IVF and that the statistics are not pulling in our favor.  I am writing this blog to memorialize my experiences (good and bad) and help me remember all of the amazing things about raising my child.  I read blogs to lend support to others who have not been as fortunate as me and to remind me every single day of how lucky I am.  Good luck girls!!

Final Countdown for FET #2

I had my date with dildo cam this morning.  My ovaries are suppressed (there were only lots of tiny follies) and my lining looked good - it was roughly 8.5 mm.  I just got the call from the doctor with the results of my blood work and everything looks perfect and on track for a transfer this coming Thursday.  My estrogen was 533.  And the good news is that my OWN doctor will be working on Thursday and will be doing my transfer.  Yeah!  I hope that brings us good luck.

Okay. So maybe everyone isn't infertile.

As a follow-up to this post, not everyone who has to do IVF is infertile.  My eyes were opened a little after chatting with the contracts manager with whom I work closely.  I basically blurted out that my son is an IVF baby.  That opened the door for him to tell me his story.  As it turns out, he and his wife are NOT infertile.  They are choosing to do IVF so that they can genetically screen embryos and only choose those that are not positive for a dominant gene that causes retinoblastoma (cancer of the retina).  The contract manager's wife had retinoblastoma as a young child (as did her own mother) and both she and her mother lost an eye to this disease.  They are choosing to do IVF because the only other way to guarantee that they don't have a child with retinoblastoma is to get pregnant naturally, do CVS or amniocentesis testing and then abort if the child does have the dominant gene.  I don't know many who would be able to go through that.  But on their first IVF, they had bad luck.  Out of 7 embryos tested, six had the cancer gene and she did not get pregnant with the one good embryo.  (As it turns out, she never miscarried.  She just was super duper upset that she didn't get pregnant with the good embryo).  They just finished their second IVF cycle and are waiting to hear back on the genetic testing.  I'm really hoping that their luck turns and that they are successful with this cycle. 

Missing Blogger

Does anyone know why the blog "Waiting for a baby bump" no longer works?

http://ourbabybumpstory.blogspot.com/

Did she pull everything down out of frustration?  I'd appreciate any info!  Thanks in advance.

Another Boring FET post

Day 9 of FET #2 protocol.  Estogen was 267.  (My estrogen levels on Day 9 of FET #1, June 15, were 212).  Next step is more bloodwork and a lining check on Saturday, the 21st.  Until then, I get to enjoy taking 3 estrace pills 3x daily.  Yee-ha.

Why is Everyone Infertile?

I know the title to my post might irritate some of my loyal infertile readers (although I can count on my fingers the number of readers that I have at all, but that's a different matter altogether).  After all, there are pregnant women EVERYWHERE.  But I've been astonished lately to find out just how much infertility touches people's lives.

There is a woman that I work with occasionally at work.  I saw her 2 weeks ago and realized that she was pregnant.  Of course, I was immediately jealous.  You would think those negative feelings would go away after having baby #1, but NOPE.  Once an infertile, always an infertile.  So we started working closely on a project and I told her congratulations and asked her when she was due.  She said that she was due in December but that she would probably deliver earlier because she was having twins.  Twins!  So immediately my infertile radar starts humming because the vast majority of multiple pregnancies these days are due to infertility treatments.  But I don't want to be rude and ask outright if she had assistance.  Although I'm very open about my struggles and my sister's struggles with infertility, I know that many people want to keep it a very private matter.  So we chatted a little bit more and I eventually asked if there were other twins in her family.  She answered without hesitation that twins do not run in her family and that she had assistance in getting pregnant.  Ahhhh...so immediately my feelings of jealousy flew out the door because I was talking to a fellow infertile!  It turns out that she has a 4 year old daughter and it took them 6 IUIs to get pregnant with her.  And it took her 3 IUIs to get pregnant with her twin boys.  So good for her (although she's still working through her feelings about having twins).

I also work closely with the contracts manager at my company.  I know that he and his wife have been trying to start a family, but that's all I knew.  And a couple of months ago, he had to leave suddenly due to a family emergency and my boss let it slip that his wife had had a miscarriage.  Total suck.  But the other day, I was talking to my boss about the woman who was having twins and my boss let me know that the contracts manager and his wife are also going through infertility treatments.  Wow.  So at that point, I just blurted out that my son was an IVF baby and that we were in the process of trying for #2.  It just seemed like the right time.  She was very cool about the whole thing.  So now I know that the contracts manager is going through a very hard time and I would love to chat with him about it because we share that experience, but I don't know if he knows that I know.  Or whether he wants me to know.  So until the subject comes up between the two of us (if it ever does), I won't bring it up.

But this brings me back to the title of my post.  It seems like everyone I know is having trouble getting pregnant.  The only two people at work that I know about have struggled in the past or are currently struggling.  Then there are 2 women from my mommy group that seem to be struggling with secondary infertility.  After having baby #1 naturally, they cannot conceive baby #2.  So what the hell is up with this world?  What have we done to ourselves?  Why did the average female hit puberty at the age of 17 two hundred years ago, when girls these days are getting their periods at 13 or younger?  What is the deal??!?  It bothers me.  It shouldn't be this hard.

Boring Deja Vu

I could basically write the exact same post I wrote on June 11.  Today is day 5 of my FET protocol and I had bloodwork done to check my estrogen levels.  On June 11, my estrogen was 107.  Today, August 12, my estrogen is 173.  I just keep following my protocol and as of tomorrow, I start taking 2 estrace pills twice daily.  My transfer for FET #1 was June 25.  My transfer for this FET #2 is scheduled for August 26.  It looks like I'm exactly 2 months apart between FET attempts.

I have interesting updates regarding recent conversations about infertility that I've had at work.  That will be for another post...

The Lost (and Found!) Sock

I know that every mother can go on and on about her child.  And I know I'm about to do that here.  But I'm truly surprised and impressed by my almost 17 month old son.  Yesterday, I dressed him in socks and sneakers to go to the park.  When we got home, he wanted to take them off and so we did.  Like the slobs that we are, we just dumped his socks and sneakers on the floor of our den.  Ian LOVES socks and shoes and started playing with them.  At some point, one of his socks went missing.  My husband and I had NO idea what he did with it and after looking half-heartedly for about 15 minutes, we just assumed we would eventually find it.  This morning, I was chatting with Ian and I said, "Where is your sock?  Where did you put your sock yesterday?  Neither daddy nor momma could find your sock?  Where is it?"  Ian looked at me with an expression of confusion and then understanding and then ran to his room.  He went over to his dresser and pulled open the drawer that had all of his shorts.  My husband took a look and sure enough, beneath the clean shorts we had just piled in there was his sock.  Unreal.

Videos - August 2010

Ian woke up at 6:20 am this morning, ate breakfast and then proceeded to be a cranky, crabby, crying, craptastic mess.  Mommy can only handle so many tantrums this early in the morning.  So even though he usually only takes 1 nap a day after lunch, I decided to put him in his crib at 7:40 am for a nap.  He slept for 70 minutes.  During that time, I was able to review and edit some of the recent videos I shot of him.  He is 16.5 months old.  Enjoy!

He LOVES water and especially loves to try and get mommy wet.  I didn't include a lot of the video I shot here because I was running away from him!

Ian just started saying his own name.  And he started saying "hello" again (his first word) after a long hiatus.  Sorry about the bouncing video - Ian kept trying to get his hands on the camera.

FET #2 Underway

Surprisingly, I got my period this morning after a very short 27-day cycle.  I didn't think I was going to get my period for at least another week since my cycles tend to be around 32-34 days.  But maybe the hormones from the last FET cycle affected this cycle?  Who knows.  Either way, I took my first estrace pill this morning and called my RE's office to report my day 1.  They'll give me a call back later today with my official day 1 and estimated transfer date.  It's exciting to think that we're getting another chance to have a baby this month, although I'm already planning ahead to next steps after we get the BFN.  I think the worst part about this process for me is getting my hopes up just to have them dashed.  So I guess I try not to get my hopes up.  If I expect it to fail, then I won't be shocked and dismayed when it does fail.  And if it works (!), then I'll be so surprised and happy.

*Update*

My official day one is Sunday, August 8 with a tentative transfer date on Thursday, August 26.

Growing Up

Ian is growing up so quickly before my very eyes.  He is talking more and more and one of his favorite things to say these days (besides momma and daddy) is Elmo!  Except he says "Melmo" which is just the cutest thing ever.  And last night, I asked him to say "meow" because we were talking about the kitty and he said "eeeeoww."  So I think it's disgustingly adorable that he doesn't use the "em" sound to say "meow" but then he uses the "em" sound to say "Elmo".  He also understands a lot more than he can say.  He understands it when we say, "Go get daddy's shoe," "close the door" and "put it back."  He really likes it when I do "This little piggy went to market" with his toes and says "More more more" each time we finish it (except it sounds like "Mawh mawh mawh").  It looks like he is also cutting his first canine tooth - the one on the upper left side.  And most impressively, Ian uses a spoon to eat (although I'm going to have to give daycare credit for that achievement).  See for yourself: