Thoughts on Infertility

I am unbelievably lucky. Even though I had to use IVF to have my son Ian, I didn't waste too much time trying naturally and I was able to get pregnant on the first round with a single embryo transfer. I cannot compare my experience to the infertility suffered by my sister. Nor can I even begin to imagine the pain and devastating losses about which so many infertile women blog. But one thing that I read recently on a blog rings true: once infertile, it's hard to leave those thoughts behind. I can't believe it, but I am still bothered by pregnant bellies (and this is only 6 weeks after having my own very pregnant belly!). I am already thinking about the "next round" so that Ian can have a sibling who is fairly close in age to him. I continue to read blogs about IVF and cross my fingers for all the other women out there to experience the success that I had. I worry that the next round won't go nearly as well as my first round. You would think I could just be happy and enjoy my son. And I sure do. I'm elated and ecstatic that Ian made it into my life. But it's extraordinarily hard not to be greedy and I want more. I'm already thinking about making an appointment with my RE just to discuss the next steps. I need to understand whether I can do the next round while continuing to breastfeed Ian. I'm guessing because of the necessary hormone treatments, I will have to stop breastfeeding my son, in which case I will wait at least 6 months because I certainly don't want to short-change him. And I need to understand how soon after a C-section it is safe to be pregnant again. I wish I could just focus on the present and on my ever-changing amazing son, but I can't. I'm still infertile.