Reminders of Infertility

When I was at mommy group on Tuesday, another mother mentioned that she was pregnant again. I immediately congratulated her and was genuinely happy for her...but I noticed there were some other feelings down deep. I was jealous and even a bit angry. You would think that those feelings would have gone away given my successful IVF and successful pregnancy. After all, I was at a mommy group with my beautiful 7 week old son. But those old feelings resurfaced...especially when another mother chimed in about how she was planning to perfectly time her next pregnancy. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to hop in the sack with your husband and make a baby the natural way?

I'm annoyed with myself. I have always had a bad habit of looking into the future too much instead of living in the present. And I'm doing it again. Instead of focusing 100% on my child, who I love more and more with each passing day, I am already spending mental energy thinking about how I am going to have my second child. Should I do a frozen embryo transfer with one of the three embryos I have frozen? Or, given that I'm turning 35 this month, should I do a fresh IVF cycle while I still have the chance and save the embryos that came from 34 year old eggs? Should we only transfer one embryo like we did last time and risk failure or transfer more than one and risk having multiples? I'm already thinking about making an appointment with my RE to discuss next steps in having a second child. I want Ian to have a sibling and I very much want them to be fairly close in age (2 years or less). But I wish I could just shut down these thoughts for the moment. I don't need to be thinking about this yet, but I am. I wish I wasn't such a nutjob.