New Feelings

I started having some new feelings today. For the last 8 weeks, I've been thinking that it will be extremely hard to stop being a full-time mom and put Ian in day care when I return to work in September. But today, when I was out for a walk with him, other feelings started creeping in. I felt lonely. I realized how much I look forward to Tuesdays, when I get to socialize and talk to the other mothers. I also know that when my husband comes home from work, all I have to contribute conversationally is the number of poopie diapers Ian had and how many times the poop shot out of his diaper and up to his shoulder blades. These feelings give me hope. I'm actually happy to feel them because it means that work won't be that dreadful when I do go back. I'm sure I will feel incredibly guilty that others are "raising" my child. But I think day care will be good for him. And I think working and exercising my brain will be good for me. The search for day care centers continues. I'm going to look at one more next week and then make a decision.

On a side note, after feeding Ian this morning and pumping, I weighed 143.0. That's the lowest number I have seen on the scale since getting pregnant and I'm happy to have finally broken the 144.0 barrier! This means that I only have .5 pounds to lose to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. And it gives me hope that I may be able to get back into the 130s, which is where I should really have been all along.