Happy Birthday to Me

I turned 35 years old today. Sigh...

My husband bought me a weed whacker for my birthday. I've been wanting one for a while now. :-) It's too bad it's rainy outside today or I'd go outside and whack the hell out of the grass that is growing against the foundation of our house, which I can't otherwise attack with the mower.

Ian and I accomplished a lot this week. At Tuesday's mommy group, he weighed 13 pounds, 2 ounces. After mommy group (and a yummy lunch at California Pizza Kitchen), I bought myself some Spanx at Lord & Taylor. I am attending my cousin's wedding this weekend and although I'm happy to report that I found an appropriate dress in my closet that fits, my belly is not quite flat yet and I will be self-conscious in the dress. The Spanx really work well to flatten out the little bulge in my tummy area.

We also visited the Carter's outlet and I bought Ian a ton of clothing. He is totally outgrowing his 0-3 month clothing. So I bought him a bunch of 6 month shorts and a bunch of 6 month onesies. All the clothing is soooo cute! I hoped to find something a little fancier for the wedding this weekend, but didn't have any luck. Hopefully people won't care that my 10 week old isn't dressed up.

I finally signed Ian up for day care yesterday. My husband and I looked at 3 different centers in town and in the end, I followed my gut in making the decision. We chose Knowledge Beginnings in Needham for multiple reasons:

1. The administrative staff and the teachers all seemed so friendly and nice. They smiled a lot and waved hi as we passed through on our tour. (At Kindercare, most of the staff was friendly, but I could tell that a couple of the secondary teachers were "just doing their jobs" and they weren't looking thrilled when holding the infants. I also didn't like that one room smelled like poop because the teachers hadn't taken out the trash at lunchtime like they were supposed to. The music was also way too loud in that room.) I also like the fact that the assistant director at Knowledge Beginnings followed up with me by both e-mail and phone after my visit to see if I had any further concerns or questions she could answer.

2. The location is really good. It is right by the highway and near the exit/entrance that my husband uses to get to and from work. In addition, if my husband isn't able to make the 6 pm pick-up time, my mother-in-law can do the pick-up and the location will be very convenient for her.

3. I like the interior space. It is warm and inviting and seems really clean without feeling sterile. In addition, they have this awesome gymnasium, which must be so nice for the kids when it is rainy outside.

4. One of the mothers that I met at mommy group has enrolled her child at Knowledge Beginnings. Her son has only been there for 2 weeks, but she is really happy with it. On her advice, I requested that Ian be placed in Infant Room #1. The primary teacher in that room has been a daycare teacher for 8 years and before that, she was a nurse. So I love the fact that she has a ton of experience. This mother's coworkers (she works at Channel 5) also use Knowledge Beginnings and rave about it.

So I think we're finished with the day care search. I know that my mother-in-law (and probably my own mother) wish I was getting a nanny. But I really just don't want a nanny. The ONLY plus I see in having a nanny is that Ian won't get as sick as he will get in daycare. And Ian will eventually get sick once he starts public school. But the nanny will cost more, we will have to coordinate vacation schedules, and she may be out sick or get stuck in traffic. Selfishly, I don't want Ian to have a second mother. He will clearly get very attached to any one person that takes care of him on a full-time basis. At least when he is in the daycare, he gets to go home to mommy and daddy rather than having a loving nanny leaving him at night. And in the words of my best friend fom high school, "I think daycare is better than nanny. Or at least, by the time he's 1, daycare will be a better choice for sure. The social interaction results in an entirely different child. Day care kids are quite adaptable, well adjusted, and more sociable. It's a positive."

New Feelings

I started having some new feelings today. For the last 8 weeks, I've been thinking that it will be extremely hard to stop being a full-time mom and put Ian in day care when I return to work in September. But today, when I was out for a walk with him, other feelings started creeping in. I felt lonely. I realized how much I look forward to Tuesdays, when I get to socialize and talk to the other mothers. I also know that when my husband comes home from work, all I have to contribute conversationally is the number of poopie diapers Ian had and how many times the poop shot out of his diaper and up to his shoulder blades. These feelings give me hope. I'm actually happy to feel them because it means that work won't be that dreadful when I do go back. I'm sure I will feel incredibly guilty that others are "raising" my child. But I think day care will be good for him. And I think working and exercising my brain will be good for me. The search for day care centers continues. I'm going to look at one more next week and then make a decision.

On a side note, after feeding Ian this morning and pumping, I weighed 143.0. That's the lowest number I have seen on the scale since getting pregnant and I'm happy to have finally broken the 144.0 barrier! This means that I only have .5 pounds to lose to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. And it gives me hope that I may be able to get back into the 130s, which is where I should really have been all along.

2 months old!

Ian is 2 months old today! He continues to be a very happy baby. His new hair is growing in and the peach fuzz that covers his head is so soft. It feels very good to rub and Ian seems to like it as it puts him to sleep. The hair is definitely lighter in color than my husband's hair, but it is darker than mine. It actually appears to have a reddish tinge to it! Ian's eyes are still quite dark and they appear to be a very dark green/gray. They continue to look brown in photos but in real life, they are not.

I am starting to be able to distinguish between Ian's crying noises. Whn he is hungry, his cry is intermittent and more of a whine saying, "Mooooommmmm, I'm hunnnngry. When are you going to feeeeeed me?" When he wakes up suddenly from a deep sleep, his cry is more frantic and high pitched: "Oh my god! Why am I awake? Where the hell is my pacifier!?!?!" And then there is the all out "I'm just pissed off" scream. I'm not sure what starts this scream, but he seems to do it when he is over-tired and/or when clothing is put on or pulled off over his head. And then he calms down if we hold him and shh him.

I started researching day care options this past week and it is a bit stressful. I get very sad when I think about having to leave my son in 4 months so that I can go back to work full-time. I actually teared up at the first day care center I toured when we discussed that someone other than me or my husband would see his first steps. But all the kids at the day care centers seemed so happy and so I'm sure Ian will do just fine too. And I'm lucky to be able to spend the first 6 months of his life with him.

There are 3 day care centers that are close to our home. (We decided not to look at day care places near work since it would make it hard for one parent to drop-off or pick-up). The first and most highly recommended day care (Chestnut Children's Center) has a 1 year waiting list and so I put Ian on that list. Then there is Kindercare (KC) and Knowledge Beginnings (KB), both of which have open spots in September (thanks to the downturn in the economy). I think that Ian would be perfectly fine at either KC or KB, but my husband and I will discuss the pros and cons of each and try to make a decision this weekend. It will be a great relief to put down a deposit and know that Ian has guaranteed care in September. I may continue to research in-home care options or getting a nanny, but I do think I'm leaning towards the day care approach. It's just a bit shocking to know that we will be paying $450 per week for the full-time care. For a 52 week year, that's $23,000! I will make sure that we use pre-tax dollars to pay this. When I go back to work, I will most definitely contribute to a dependant care account.